I was at a woman’s event a few months month ago and I was really moved by what one of the speakers had to say about women and how they interact with each other. After listening to her I took time to observe people and it turns out we really do have issues within our “girl” community.
There’s this unspoken competition going on, be it with our colleagues, friends or just acquaintances. We compete over silly things, from handbags to entire life accomplishments, not in a productive way but in a way that brings people down. I find it mind blowing that it is a proven fact that females can hate each other for absolutely no reason. This hate can be expressed by being overly friendly all the way to zero interaction at social gatherings. Not all females do it so this is just a generalist point of view. I really would like to know the root cause of this attitude because once we have that, we can then work on a solutions.
One of my theories is that there is insecurity in women who look at others with hate. Overcoming insecurity requires changing your source of validation and then channelling affirmation towards other women. Sometimes others start changing the way they do things eg how they style their hair or put on their make or where they shop just to compete with the person they don’t like. It seems like success isn’t success without beauty and looks. We are threatened by the woman prettier, slimmer, and generally better than us. Channel your energy away from other people’s opinion of you and find peace and security in knowing that your value is measured on a higher scale.
This generation has it the hardest with social media coming into play. It makes it easy for us to compare and contrast lifestyles. Facebook and Instagram only give you great highlights of people’s lives with filters to disguise the imperfections. Feelings fleur up as you fail to understand why Jane’s life seems so intact, why does Jane make parenting look like a breeze. Jane is essentially making you look bad so those emotions build up to clear dislike of Jane. All this stirred by Jane’s “masked” feeds on social media
We draw conclusions about a woman’s morality based on the way she’s dressed or what we perceive to be flirtatious or attention-seeking behaviour. The stereotype about the bored wives meeting in the cafeteria at work to gossip about the single secretary in the finance department who comes to work in a killer outfit and looking fresh everyday is all true because we have seen it happen. Their lives are miserable so they cant stand to see the secretary happy. Now they see her dresscode and draw even deeper conclusions and more reasons to dislike.
So when we compare our lives to women we think are worse off, we take comfort in the fact that we’re not her. We fail to see that this impulse to constantly compare is driven by our own feelings of inadequacy. Takes me back to my initial point that validation doesn’t come from other people’s opinion of you.
Imagine a world where females stood together, encouraged one another and strived to make a difference. Many of the problems faced in society will be eliminated because of this unity. We have so many other odds against us we don’t need hate in our inner circles to add on to these things. A smile and telling her that she is beautiful goes a long way in encouraging each other because God knows we need it.