Come Lets Date

cr-magazine-hero-fld-guide-to-dating-sites

This new age dating we have is slowly being taken over by dating sites. Most people don’t want to be known to use this channel but reality is, its happening and its happening big. I decided to wear my research cap and dive right into the online dating world. The main point of this article is to give women, a man’s perspective of online dating and the women they find there. As women, we often wonder why it’s so difficult and rare to find someone suitable on these sites, so today we shall look at why.

I joined Tinder for a week, put up my best pictures, some with a bit of filters but still kept it somewhat natural. I did not put up any provocative pictures and my info page included a detailed summary of who I am. In there I mentioned that I’m not looking to waste my time, only serious people should contact me. I sent a sample of this profile to my best friend who happens to be a guy and first thing he said upon looking at it was, this introduction is too long, guys don’t read this. He however approved the pictures and said go for it.

I got started with my settings, putting age restrictions, setting the target area and so forth. When I was all set I started going through the profiles of different men in my age group who live in my area. That was the easy part. All the ones I thought were good looking and had an impressive job title, I  would like. If they liked me back then it creates a channel or means to communicate. You can only send a message to someone who liked you back. This was really fun, I spent hours swiping left or right until messages started coming in. They all start with “Hey, How are you doing”. I had at least 15 conversations going on at the same time with complete strangers, asking me the same questions. I eventually lost track of what I was saying and to whom. I then decided that to make my life easier, I would select a few from those I was chatting with and concentrate on them rather than creating hundreds of conversations at a time.

I managed to narrow my list down to 6. As I got to know the people more, I started to eliminate or rather stop talking to them. One turned out to be a cyber stalker who was obsessed with sending pictures of himself, another sounded like he was into illegal business. One admitted to being in a relationship but claimed that it was “dying down”. One or two seemed normal but the rest sounded like they were just time wasters, nothing tangible there.

Based on all my conversations, what I managed to gather is that these guys are on these sites mostly to mess around. Some are there for friendship, some are there for hook-ups (majority) and some are looking for something solid (minority). I gathered the courage to ask my top 6 the following questions:

Q. What is your perception of the women you find or chat to on dating sites

A. Most responded with that they usually don’t take any of them seriously. It’s a dating site so they are talking to a hundred other people so really there’s nothing to look forward to.

Q. Why a dating site opposed to physically searching in your society

A. Majority responded with that a friend suggested it so they thought they would try it out for fun. In this I want to emphasize the fun factor they keep pointing out, meaning very few go to look for a wife on a dating site. One went even deeper to say that it’s cheaper and easier than going to a bar? Because at a bar you need to buy the lady a drink and make some what of an effort compared to online dating. The women on dating sites however, are already there for the taking.

Q. Women have complained that men on dating sites put less effort during the courtship phase than men they find outside of online dating

A. Personally I found this to be true. There was no effort. Compared to how a men usually treats me, which is, ask me out on a date, put effort to impress me etc……the guys I chatted to online did not make a single effort to even meet me. They were happy to text all day and night, asking me weird questions that led nowhere. The feeling I got the most was that they were sussing out my personality and character eg is she the kind of woman I can suggest a hook-up with. They were good at telling me what I wanted to hear but no actual action was taken to do the gentleman thing.

When I asked men this question, that is it true you put less effort in a woman you found online opposed to one you found elsewhere and the majority of responses were yes. Half the job was done for them and they did not feel the urgency to meet the person face to face.

Hook-ups

New age word used to mean having sex outside of a relationship with no intention to commit to that person. Same as old age “sex with no strings attached”. I cringe at that word as it represents emptiness and broken-ness but that’s another topic for another day. Why I brought up hook-ups is because that’s what Tinder is now internationally known as, a hook-up site. I’m sure the developers of this application did not mean for it to be that way but it has. I asked the one guy what he thought of tinder and hook-ups and this was his shocking response

“I saw a friend who had it and I got curious so I downloaded it. I went there without this mindset that people have to get hook-ups which I later realised that’s what it was about. To be honest I don’t have any hook-ups, but from what I get, there are two different types of women….the first is one who actually says lets cut to the chase, we both know what we are here for and the second one is a woman who you have to persuade

Why did I call this shocking? Well its simple, many of us are out here trying to fight for and protect the girl child, meanwhile women themselves are putting their hearts out there for the taking……all on their own.

My conclusion

If you are a hopeless romantic like myself, dating sites are not always the most ideal place to find your happily ever after. Not all situations are the same and we do certainly have that minute percentage that actually get their knights in shining armor there. Having said that, regardless of where a man found you, don’t allow him to treat you any less. If you are not there to hookup then make that clear from the onset because statistics do show that’s what the majority of men are after on these sites. It is your duty to protect yourself, particularly your heart. Perverts and rapists are looming in these sites searching for vulnerable women like me and you. Already these men have the wrong perception of you, that you are a desperate woman who needs attention to validate herself so they will feed on that, give you so much attention…… but to what end. Know who you are first and do not portray anything less or accept anything less.

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