What You Deserve

When God created you as a woman, He took his time to create beauty and delicacy with a mixture of strength. He sees you through the eyes of a Father, He sees you as His princess. He made you in his own image therefore you are a solid depiction of perfection. A few recognize this value, but unfortunately many live their lives as if they were worth nothing.

It hurts me as a woman when I listen to stories, of how women around the world are being emotionally abused by men, be it their husbands or partners. The amount of unacceptable behavior and guff women tolerate in relationships is disheartening. I feel in my own opinion it has much to do with how much you value yourself, how well you identify your potential and what bigger and better plans God has for you outside of the abuse.

I’m growing up in a generation where cheating has become acceptable. A man can come and announce that he had a baby outside of the marriage home and it’s acceptable. A man disappears from the house for 4 days and it’s acceptable. A man doesn’t provide for his family and it’s acceptable. A man publicly embarrasses his wife and its acceptable. So where is your limit as a woman? Why do you think you deserve so little? Have you as a woman ever tried to come home with babies from other men. Have you as a woman ever tried to go for days without a trace. Why is it that men don’t tolerate that level of disrespect but you as a woman can.

Many tend to hide behind the skirts of love, claim the heart is deceitful and disloyal. My understanding of love is that love is kind, love is gentle, love is meant to be exciting not painful. Love, like thirst, will make you do strange things, but knowledge is power, hence I’m writing this, to equip you with a certain amount of knowledge that will dissuade you from decrying your worth.

You deserve his attention

You deserve quality time, not just time.

You deserve effort, not just routines.

You deserve to be treated as if you are a priority, not the last thing on their checklist

You are special and you deserve to be the only option

If that is too much to ask, you are asking it from the wrong person

If begging ever becomes your last approach for things that are meant to be freely yours,

Then you are out of your mind

Love yourself first. Be in a position to say “but hang on, this man has a beautiful strong woman, who loves him unconditionally”. Be in a position to acknowledge how lucky he is to come home everyday to a gem like yourself. The moment you lose this and think he is the price in this deal then you have lost yourself. You are the price not the other way round. His life changed the moment you walked into it. He who finds a wife finds a good thing…..that saying is there for a reason, it wasn’t said the other way round for a reason.

Why women choose to stay where they can clearly see they are not loved

Fear of being alone – I love my alone time. Single days are fun for me. I look at it as a time to be selfish, I don’t have to think about someone else. I also use to it discover what I like and enjoy, be my own individual. Its also fun being a single lady being hunted by young men, it boosts your ego somewhat. Unfortunately for most women, this is a tragic time. They don’t know how to be their own person living their own lives. They need a man to validate them, as an individual they don’t feel they are worth anything. This is when they choose the wrong partner, the first person to come their way, whether they are good enough or not. They won’t leave the abusive relationship because of fear of being alone.

Too dependant on the man – These females make me cringe…..there is nothing more sexy than an independent woman. When you find that her rent gets paid by the man, her fuel is paid by the man, without the man she has nothing to her name. When he goes out and does the most hideous things, she will still stay because she can not sustain herself. GIRL CHILD WAKE UP. Be your own person. You have a strength in you that none other possesses. Get up and work, claim your freedom. Regardless of whether he paid rent or not, he still has no right to abuse you, no right to disrespect you. But do not give him that window or that claim. Pride yourself in being independent and hardworking. No one owns you no matter what check they write out. You need to know this first, grasp it and put it into practice.

Love – This beautiful thing called love that has been turned into a joke in my generation. Yes you love him, but does love you? If you are under the impression that he does then how come he makes you cry almost every night. Other normal couples have fun together everyday whilst you are in bed alone crying. That is not what love is. What love actually is, is when he gives you nothing but peace, when he protects your heart, when he puts you first in everything he does, when all his life decisions include you and your happiness. The moment he stops loving you, you will know. This is when he out rightly disrespects you, makes decisions that hurt you, refuses to protect your heart, is completely oblivious to your opinions and needs. Love is a dangerous thing, don’t be foolish with it.

You don’t feel you deserve better – Breaks my heart each time I write that. So who deserves better, the slim actress on TV? The Harvard student who graduated with a Masters Cum Laude? So what would make you deserve better? What’s wrong with you now? He probably promised you big things when you first met and now it’s suddenly not there anymore or he never delivered on those promises to begin with. You deserve happiness, everyone does, regardless of looks or accomplishments. God did not bring you into this world to grow a thick skin and stick it out with someone who disrespects you.

A man is not a god. He cannot and should not come into your life with empty promises and the end up making you miserable. That is not God’s best for you. You need to take a moment and appreciate yourself first before you expect another individual to appreciate you. No one has the right to hurt you. Its not ok for you to cry. Choose your heart first, it deserves a break from all the pain. This man is not a god.

They say a good man is worth fighting for, but a man who’s good for you shouldn’t make you fight just for the right to be in his life. But also, who is fighting for you. Don’t you deserve a good fighting for.  You are selling yourself short beautiful one.